After I had finished my rough draft, I brought it into class as we had been instructed to do. We switched with partners and started by reading paragraphs of each other's essays out loud in order to hear it in another voice, and then be able to actually hear some mistakes that needed to be fixed. We then kept each other's essays and evaluated a body paragraph to determine if it had a topic sentence and three supporting points, each with relevant examples. This was a minor step in our revision process. The bigger step came next.
We were each given sticky notes to write our thesis on and stick on the table in front of us. Then we had to literally cut (with scissors) apart our essays. Every paragraph that had to do with some component of our thesis we would put in one pile and every paragraph that didn't have to do with it, we would put in another pile. I had never physically disassembled my essay before. I actually liked doing it because, since I am a visual learner, I like to see everything clearly laid out in front of me.
At first, I honestly thought it was a little ridiculous and unnecessary to go to such extremes where I am physically cutting apart my paper in order to revise it. I was quickly proven wrong when I completed the exercise because although I was skeptical as to whether it would be beneficial or not, it really did help me see what I was missing or what I had too much of.
The results of evaluating each paragraph's relevance to my thesis were unexpected, as I said before. I noticed that in some paragraphs I had a tendency to babble on and on and even get off topic or try to make my paper sound ridiculously sophisticated with high level vocab left and right. It is also easier to see each paragraph individually when they are all cut up because then I could address one at a time, rather than feeling tempted to shift my eyes over to another paragraph and abandon the one I was working on.
I learned to give these exercises some time and thought before saying, "This will not be beneficial to my paper," or "I don't wanna try this." This exercise really pointed out what other information I needed and if I had to complete any other research. I found that disassembling my essay as well as having someone else read it out loud, really helped me see what needed to be revised. Overall I would say that it was very helpful and I will probably use these techniques in the future.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Monday, April 14, 2014
Wrestling with the Draft
After I completed my draft, my professor told us to take out two different highlighters. We were to pick a page then highlight everything that was my own words in one color and highlight others' thoughts, ideas and information in another color. The objective was to visually see, when the highlighted pages were laid out across the table, how much I use my own voice and how much I use other voices. I found that I used my voice to start off a paragraph and then added some information from the sources I found and then added commentary. It is crucial to make sure your voice is the one being heard and not someone else's because, after all, it is your research paper with you own ideas.
I found that not all of the paragraphs I investigated were like this. I have a tendency of switching around from a completely opinionated paragraph to a factual paragraph and I think it's probably more effective to find a balance in between so the paper can flow easily.
I found that not all of the paragraphs I investigated were like this. I have a tendency of switching around from a completely opinionated paragraph to a factual paragraph and I think it's probably more effective to find a balance in between so the paper can flow easily.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Creating Conversation
I have created a conversation with an imaginary "Dave" to help me address the important parts of my topic.
Dave Me
What’s the big deal about censorship, anyway?
What is meant by the term “censored”?
Then how do most people view this? How do you see it differently?
So who is affected the most?
Can you provide an example of how this affects them?
Why should we pay attention to this?
Well if this much harm is being done, what should be done about it?
What benefits might censorship provide?
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Well, a lot of students, including myself, feel that some information is censored or not provided for their use and that intellectual and religious freedom are not allowed to be fully expressed.
Censorship is basically suppressing information, books, etc that are considered unacceptable especially in schools. That definition is more specific to this topic of censorship in schools. It is also a matter of intellectual freedom, which is freedom of thought and expression of thought.
Some people, for example, think that not enough is censored in schools and these people are worried about how their children may be affected when it comes to learning this uncensored material. Others may argue that too much is censored, especially religious aspects. It depends on what parents think their children should be exposed to. On the other hand, college students are different because they are expected differently from those in high school and below. Here, it is a matter of intellectual freedom rather than disapproving the release of some materials and books on the campus.
I would say my research supports that high school, middle school and grade school are the most affected, even in public schools. College students deal with less censorship.
For example, reports of terrorism are often censored because of the extreme effects it might have on students but are then being kept from this information. In another scenario, a student was writing a story about her own personal experiences (she had been sexually assaulted) and she got in trouble.
Students’ education can be affected by unnecessary censorship. On the other hand, censorship also protects children from seeing explicit videos.
I am not trying to convince you that censorship is strictly good or bad but I think it would be beneficial for people to know the facts and just know more about intellectual freedom in general so they can strengthen their own opinions and even do something about it if they feel the need.
Censorship can help limit violence and obscenity and protect the morals of society and religion.
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Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Annotated Bibliography
1. This article is a credible source for my research because it discusses intellectual freedom and especially the change over time. The author’s credentials include her job as a librarian and teacher, working hands on with students and experiencing the the “lack of intellectual freedom”, as she expresses. Date-wise this publication is important to include because it is more recent and up to date (2011). The author’s main goal in this article is to inform readers about intellectual freedom. The publishing source for this article generally targets an audience that fits the following description: students and parents. This audience would be interested in this subject because if affects these types of people and also informs them about what may come in the future when it comes to restriction of intellectual thoughts and this audience would generally agree and disagree with the author’s perspective because on the topic . The author incorporates the following types of evidence: she recognizes the fact that the world is changing and how technology is taking over a lot of useful sources found in a library and how topics and certain terms become more and more controversial. This evidence builds credibility because she has first hand experience with this type of change but is also limited to her own opinion and experience - not much extra research done by her to support her thoughts. Based on my own opinion, experiences and research, I agree for the most part with the author because I think that even though the world is changing and information is become more accessible, there is more protection over some topics and controversial issues. I think this article is important to include because I haven’t yet found a source that expands on the effect that the changing world has on intellectual freedom and censorship.
2. This article is a credible source for my research because the author, Barbara Jones, gives her opinion, as someone who works around students and books, on the academic aspects of intellectual freedom; she expresses what is difficult about it, what she thinks is right and what she thinks is wrong. The author’s credentials include head of special collections at the University of Illinois/Urbana-Champaign. Date-wise this publication is important to include because it gives some opinions and viewpoints from 15 years ago (1999) that can be compared to those today. The author’s main goal is to inform and teach readers about the lack of intellectual freedom students are allowed to produce and digest (reading library books, for example). The publishing source for this article generally targets an audience that fits the following description: students, parents and education-provides. This audience would be interested in this subject because censorship of educational materials and policies on intellectual freedom all affect students, education-providers and even parents and would generally agree with this author’s perspective on the topic. The author incorporates the following types of evidence: personal experience and observations as well as some research on the topics and the fact that some censorship in education is to avoid obvious controversy. This evidence builds credibility because it shows that her personal experience also lines up with her research, but is also limited because it is her personal opinion and in a way, the reader has to trust that she is being honest. Based on my own opinion, experiences and research, I agree and disagree with this author because not all of what she says I agree with - she stretches some things a little too far for me to see eye to eye on. I think this article is important to include in my essay because it is coming from someone who works in a career that deals with censorship.
3. This article is a credible source for my research because it gives a lot of plain information and state standards and exercises that students did in order to expand intellectual freedom. The authors’ credentials include an education librarian and education professor. Date-wise the publication is important because it is extremely recent and relevant/accurate to the present (2013). The author’s main goal is to inform about how intellectual freedom is taught and what policies regarding it say. The publishing source for this article generally targets an audience that fits the following description: students and parents. This audience would be interested in this subject because, once again, this topic affects them and it is important to know what is allowed and what’s not and would generally agree with the authors’ perspective. The authors incorporate the following types of evidence: state standards, intellectual exercises and challenges for students and requirements for students in the class that the authors teach. This evidence builds credibility because they have to follow the standards and policies and even gain opinions through their research in the exercises their students complete, but is also limited because their knowledge of this topic is limited to college students. Based on my own opinion, experiences, and research, I agree with these authors because they have a lot of their own experience in the field and they know the regulations they have to follow. I think this article is important to include in my essay because it gives the opinion of two educated people that are also backed up by their research.
4. This article is a credible source for my research because it simply defines censorship and its effect on schools and even talks about the first amendment. Date-wise the publication is important because it gives some background on the issue (1990-2000). The author’s main goal is to inform and persuade the reader that schools censor religion and that it is an issue. The publishing source for this article generally targets an audience that fits the following description: students, parents, education-providers and even religious-educators. This audience would be interested in this subject because it is an issue that plagues schools across the U.S. and would generally agree with this author’s perspective on the topic. The authors incorporate the following types of evidence: references from the Constitution and information on the topic including statistics. This evidence builds credibility because it has completely accurate information from the Constitution and statistics but is also limited because they do not present a reason as to why religion tends to be censored in schools. Based on my own opinion, experiences, and research, I agree with these authors because from previous classes, I know what the Constitution says and some other laws. I think this article is important to include in my essay because it provides solid information to help me make my argument.
5. This article is a credible source for my research because it provides a stronger religious perspective than the other four sources. Date-wise the publication is important because it gives information from recent times but also provides some background. The author’s main goal is to inform about religious censorship in schools. The publishing source for this article generally targets an audience that fits the following description: the public (Americans) and religious-educators. This audience would be interested in this subject because it is a controversial issue across the U.S. and would agree or disagree with this author’s perspective on the topic. The authors incorporate the following types of evidence: acts and laws passed and certain cases of abuse of power in schools. This evidence builds credibility because it has accurate information including acts and laws but is also limited because it only presents one side. Based on my own opinion, experiences, and research, I agree with these authors because as a student of public school, I feel pressured to keep my religion and beliefs to myself. I think this article is important to include in my essay because it provides different, credible examples of how religion is limited in schools.
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